Small f, Big F

In the back of my address book, I keep small scraps of paper. Written or pictured on these scraps are things that meant something to me at one time—cute pictures, quotes that have personal meaning, small articles from the newspaper that comfort, intrigue, or otherwise inspire me in some fashion. I go through them sometimes, and it always amazes me how they still pertain and I can’t let them go. It’s kind of my Tomb of Tutankhamen that little address book. When I die, someone will go through my bounty at the back of the book, and hopefully, it will lend insight on the person I truly was and what had been going through my heart and mind all of those years.

One of the articles I have saved is one on friendship. It was relevant all those many years ago when I first cut it out, and it still is. I guess my theory on friends and friendship hasn’t changed, and my theory was also shared by at least one person. When pressed for thoughts on friendship, I turn to this article and reflect. I cannot take credit for the theory; I only adopt it as my own, and apply my own requirements. The theory of friendship is explained by capitalization--there are your friends (small f) and then there are your Friends (big F).

Small f friends are those that you see at the PTA meeting or the grocery store. These are neighbors you just wave to as you drive down the street, the moms and dads that you spend a whole baseball season sitting next to, but don’t get together with much for dinner. The girl doing sit-ups next to you at exercise class, the older lady at Weight Watchers, the one person you can actually tolerate at work, and the other car-pool moms--all qualify for a small f. They know you better than the mailman, but not much—they can name your children, know who your husband is, and might even know that you like lemon drop martinis, but they haven’t quite made the jump to Big F. You smile and say “great” when they superficially ask how you are today, they don’t press when you’ve said you had a bad day or that your mother is driving you crazy, and they never call to just chat. These people are more than acquaintances, but they aren’t truly a Friend friend--you know, like a big F.

Big F friends are the treasured, hard-core, been-through-it-all friends. These are usually long term and you can’t imagine life without them. These are much better than family, as they aren’t required to love you—they just do. These friends are the ones who patiently listen to your millionth complaint about your “saintly” husband, who agree your mom is nuts, and remember your birthday even when you don’t want to. They can say you look like crap in that top, or say that you are hot in your new swimsuit, in spite of your bumpy thighs. They know your parents and siblings, and you know theirs. They send presents for your new baby when they’ve just suffered a miscarriage. They will sit for hours watching the ball game with you, because, they like baseball too. They can get mad at you, but still come back for your friendship in the end. These are the hold-your-hair-while-you-get-sick kind of friends. They know your ugliness, but love you just the same.

It’s lovely to have a lot of friends and I cannot imagine everyday life without their presence. They are the warm sunshine on a yucky day. But it is the Big F friends that I’ll take, no matter how few there are.